I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
