Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
