so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
