Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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