all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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