haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You ruined the universe
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
