My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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