I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
