He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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