took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
