He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
