That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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