even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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