i was born a porn star she said
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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