420 ftw
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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