i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
