if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
