hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
