...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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