Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
