4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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