She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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