I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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