You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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