when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
