there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
