fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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