see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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