walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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