When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
