So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
