wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My life is pants optional.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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