Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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