Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Operation Purity has been aborted
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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