Im at strip club and am horny
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
