She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
