Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
