no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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