You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
