Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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