Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
