so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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