So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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