I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
