I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
