And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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