He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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