I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is my gift to your gina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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