Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
