He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
