Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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