I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
