just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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