Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
