He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
