allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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