If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
