and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
