plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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