Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
