dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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