I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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