she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
