you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
