$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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