I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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