Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
