I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
