I'm gonna have a badass scar
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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