definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
