this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
