dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
