fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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