I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
